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About That David Cameron Europe Speech

About That David Cameron Europe Speech

The long-awaited David Cameron Europe Speech been described by some as “one that we’ve been waiting a long time for any prime minister to deliver”. Hmm, not be me. Obviously. As for long-awaited … well … I don’t mean as in anticipation. Obviously. It’s more due to the fact that David Cameron’s general incompetence meant his first planned date to deliver his ‘renegotiation’ speech on Europe …. clashed with a ceremony celebrating a Franco-German friendship treaty.

The second date clashed with the Algerian red flag nonsense. The third date clashed with Hussain Obama’s public swearing-in ceremony as US President. It now seems that the David Cameron Europe Speech will be delivered on Wednesday. Don’t hold your breath. Piss up. Brewery. Etc.

Anyway, as is the norm with all things Parliamentary these days, despite Squeaker Bercow’s protestations to the contrary, much of David Cameron’s Europe ‘renegotiation’ speech has already been leaked. So, to save you all a lot of trouble, allowing you to avoid listening to what undoubtedly will be a typically Cameronesque performance … I have been able to sum up the David Cameron Europe Speech in two words …

David Cameron Europe Speech Summary European Renegotiation delayed funny image photo prime minister UK Britain EU  referendum Eurozone EUSSR withdrawal merkel van rompuy ashton

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18 comments

  1. That Cameron speech in full – as written on the back of a sheet of Izal – all slip and no grip.

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    • Max’s younger readers may not know what Izal was!

      Max’s older readers will have fond memories of the ‘imitation grease-proof’ paper.

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      • Memories, yes – Fond, I think not….

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        • Screwing it up into a tight ball then unfolding it again would leave a myriad of creases and thereby impart the desired traction .

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      • Perhaps our esteemed colleague, Caratacus, can regale us with a witty anecdote on the subject from his army days… ;-)

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        • Earlier than that, Wiggy. At primary school, the small pack of Izal/Bronco was kept in the teacher’s desk and was jealously issued – three sheets at a time – to those children whose “advance farties” foretold an imminent call to nature.

          Three bloody sheets, I ask you … Leap forward a dozen years and young Caratacus was overjoyed to discover that Her Majesty had a better understanding of the internal plumbing of young Englishmen and her representative, personified by Cpl. Bailey, instructed us that we were expected to use no more than five sheets of paper – “Two up, two down and a polisher”. Later, when we had become housetrained, Cpl B became more human and I still treasure the memory of his instruction on how to manage with just one sheet of paper in the field if rations were at a low ebb.

          “Fold the single sheet into four .. thus .. and tear across the corner so that when the sheet is unfolded there is a finger sized hole in the middle. Carefully place the small torn-off piece to one side. You then insert your finger through the hole in the paper and ..” (here he began a pantomime of vigorously excavating his arsehole with every indication of a good job well done) ..”then carefully wrap the paper along the length of your finger to clean it up a bit with a bit of a twist and flourish – and there you are. Voila, no more than one sheet needed for the entire exercise”. Here he beamed and settled back in his chair. “What’s that little bit of paper for, Corp?”
          “Ah yes – that’s for cleaning out under your fingernail before breakfast”.

          Officers always had the nice soft pink stuff. They guarded this jealously and had a right bugger of a time on exercise when every thieving bastard in the co kept nicking it. Saw a little rupert nearly in tears one time, og’s round his knees and plaintively asking all and sundry if they’d seen his bog roll. It’s the little things that keep you going ;-)

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          • I happen to know that EVERY sheet of Izal supplied to the GPO had the words “GPO Property” and “Now please wash your hands” printed on it…

            Did they seriously think someone was going to STEAL it???

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          • I thought for a mo’ there you were going to tell us he said to moisten the tip of the middle finger and tack the little torn out bit upon it to do the whole job. Now that really would be the height of economy!
            Seriously, though, Mr. C., you should have your own show on Channel 4 with ingenious money-saving wheezes like that! :)

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            • Who knows, Wiggy? In these times of austerity perhaps a short TV series entitled, “How To Survive On Fuck-All (because the government’s had the fucking rest)” may be very much the order of the day in the not too distant future ;-)

              Perhaps Max’s readers have tips and suggestions of their own which could be sent in to the programme producers…?

              I’d like to see Snotty McRuin so bloody poor that the closest he’d get to a three course meal is to stand outside Tubby Isaac’s taking deep breaths. The cunt.

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  2. Camorons Usefulness Nearing Threadbare State.

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    • Very good as always , if ever we got a politician whose name began with x or z I’d be tempted to vote for them just to put you to the test :-)

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  3. I think you expect too much from Camerwrong. He ‘s only doing what he’s told to do and say. You don’t think he actually has any say in the matter do you? They’ve probably got the video tucked away and he get’s the whisper in the ear. You don’t actually believe that a wally like Camerwank could actually get into power by his own merits do you?

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  4. The two-faced CUNT is only going to give as much away as it takes to win back votes from UKIP. Without Nigel Farage, the twisting bastard wouldn’t even broach the subject.

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  5. The usurper in America shoving his two-pennyworth in , keep yer nose out you fucking twat .

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  6. The time has long gone since politicians actually represented the people. It is always about power and self-preservation whether in office or out of it. We have been sold down the river and Cameron will merely go through the motions to offer some doubt for those that question – the majority remain malleable and change-averse. After all they did in wrecking the economy and the essence of Britishness, the fact that Labour actually lead the polls confirms this.
    There is nothing to distinguish between Red, Blue, Yellow… they are not on our side. Cameron’s talk is empty rhetoric and grandstanding designed to confuse.
    Leaving the EU would not be a disaster; it could breathe new life into the country.

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  7. Cameron’s making consesions to take votes from ukip., He has already lied to us once , why should we believe him now ? By the time he gets round to a referendum far into the future we will be ( as he is hoping ) in so deep the mire will have closed above our heads .Why trust him to do tomorrow somethng that ukip would have done yesterday? Why trust him to do something he has been dragged to kicking and screaming when ukip will do it wholeheartedly as a matter of policy .Fuck you cameron with your jam tommorrow the people of this country need to start thinking along the lines of a general strike .

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  8. We don’t really care here in Smalltown – http://smalltownman.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/the-eu-doesnt-apply-here/

    Anyway, the referendum will never happen – and if it did and he gets the wrong result then he’ll just keep asking until he gets the right one and it then becomes irrevocable.

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  9. Anyone that (if it actually happens, which no believes will) Votes to stay in the EU must be either Brain Dead or an MEP. I have asked the question before, which no one successfully answered, but I would like to know a single advantage of staying in, and I cannot think of ONE.

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