Tuesday, September 23, 2014
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A Met Office Worker Writes

A Met Office Worker Writes

Hi Max. I’d be obliged if you would post this “Cri du coeur”  from “a reader who prefers to remain anonymous” . My family is facing destitution, and I seek advice from your readers, or, Agony Uncle Saxon.

Various of my relations are employed by the Met Office, DECC, CRU-UEA & the BBC. For years they’ve enjoyed a comfortable living creating Global-Warming scare stories, dispensing research-grants, absorbing research-grants and broadcasting university-confirmed scare stories.

On Christmas Eve, the Met Office had to release their latest findings, and were confident that at that time of the year, and, with virtually the whole of Britain on holiday, nobody would notice.

Sadly, a pesky blogger picked up the story on Sat 5th Jan. Bugger me, today Tue 8th Jan, the Beeb could no longer ignore the issue and tried, but failed miserably, to put a positive slant on the data.

Instead of pretending it’s the salvation of mankind from the horrors of Global Warming; the preferred exotic venues of IPCC conferences would be saved from the unstoppable rise in sea levels; one or two species of dormice + fake charities like WWF & Greenpeace would be saved from extinction – the Beeb repeated their corporate mantra to an ever-diminishing audience that ‘a model had been revised’.

Met Office DECC CRU UEA BBC Gravy Train Heads For The Buffers - Global Warming science research grants broadcasting university confirmed scare stories data

As you will gather from this devastating news, our family gravy-train seems certain to be heading for the buffers.

Consequently I seek guidance from your vast & knowledgeable readership, and would elicit their two-penneth of suggestions (or even two-penneth of charity, to help mitigate the impending financial hardship.)

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  1. Poor you. If you’re going skint. Suggest. Fit your car with solar panels, that way you’ll save fortunes on petrol. Also consider granting HM Gov planning permission ( oh what am I talking about) to build a windmill in your garden. Saves loads of energy. Plus you can make you own bread with it. ( HM Gov don’t mention)
    Best of luck.

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  2. Time to fall on your thermometer, Sunny Jim. Quickly now.

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  3. I don’t know what you’re worrying about:

    “The Met Office stresses that the work is experimental and that it still stands by its longer-term projections”

    When the bastards FINALLY admit there is NO warming, THEN you might have to find another job. Meanwhile, we continue to loose ours, because the price of energy is sending what little manufacturing we still have to cheaper countries…

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    • Couldn’t agree with you more Dave. The USA, India and China cannot believe their luck, with the bollocks the last two administrations have been brainwashing the idiots that listen to their mantra about the “Myth of Gobal Warming”. They must be saying “Bring it on Cameron, we are making billions out of your Bullshit, while your Country subsidises our profits”.
      Why are the Ruling Class destroying our ability to make this Country a “Profit Centre” by deliberately making it 3rd World.
      The price of Power in this Country is entirely due to incompetence, and the Government not having the faintest clue about Power generation, they use the Industry as a Cash Cow. They can see no further than the financial shit we are in today, entirely due to our Membership of the EU.

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  4. Whats the problem, its just a change in direction so do as all the other fuckin hangers on spongers and generally useless twats do, simply go with the flow when it reverses, do as the candle does and blow with the wind, be ready to turn the hymn sheet at the precise moment.

    Fuck me sideways anyone on the gravy train for a few easy years of doing fuck all of any use should have had plenty of time to read up on spin, should have attended enough tax payer funded fuckin seminars on diversity or common purpose crap to use this as a golden opportunity to make this a very lucrative career swerve.

    If the global warming swindle game’s up, then there must be a wanderful future in warning of the coming ice age.

    You should with a bit of socialist group thinking be able to come up with all sorts of arseholing tax grabs to penalise the poor bastards who’ll have to pay for this worthwhile wheeze.

    The motorist is still good for a long index linked pensionable career, especially those swine who got rid of their gas guzzling cars as they were told and now, the fuckers, are driving frugal cars that attract next to no bloody VED, its so outrageous a planet saver could scream.

    Don’t be put off that the ice age wheeze has been tried before, the electorate won’t remember that, fuck me they can’t rememberwhat happened yesterday or in the last govt term.

    If you get in soon before the thousands of others there could be a Nobel or other accolades associated with saving the world.

    All the best my dear chap, chin up chum don’t be glum, give this some thought during the next six months whilst you’re on the full pay sick with stress.

    Kind Regards.

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  5. As you have kindly solicited the ‘sage advice’ of Uncle Saxon, here is my tuppenthworth.

    Mr Anonymous, the gravy train does not stop. There may be a temporary flow in one direction accompanied with a faint screeching of slick wheels. But as one train enters a savoury siding, another departs, usually on time, from another, tax payers wasting station of meaty delight. Disembark the train of global warming and alight the carriage of alternative energy. The storm clouds gather over climate change and methinks you, and yours, are advised to move on. Buy a wind farm and become subsidised. Make money not energy. Fuck us poor tax payers. What can another money wasting enterprise matter to us poor simple folk?

    Think I’m spouting my usual bollocks? Follow this link and become enlightened. In my humble opinion this chap seems to know his onions.


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  6. Maybe it’s time to switch your reporting to Sunspot terror and how the internet, mobile phones, electricity and alll infrastructure can all be cut off at a moments notice (oops, meant to say without warning). We can still see you with our drones though ‘Spray them, now those ones! Heh, they won’t be protesting for a few years after that dousing!

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  7. Don’t forget that the lack of global warming doesn’t mean the loss of holes in the ozone layer. There should still be plenty of UV getting through to power a scare based on melanomas (which happen sufficiently often to drive plenty of narratives) so your relies have the comparatively simple job of opening suncream advisory services, lobbying for all clothes to be UV tested and rated, and state-subsidized beanie hats even in Scotland.

    Some Australian readers are well ahead of this curve and got the best job on the beach years ago; applying oil to well-stacked young ladies and men. Obviously it is a job with certain hazards; the secondary industry of treating slipping injuries employs thousands.

    Also, even Australia isn’t immune from the odd land whale. Sadly there are a lot more of these in, say, Romford, but these should be viewed as an opportunity rather than a burden as they each take rather longer to coat in Factor 50. As public sector workers in the sun bloc industry they will be retiring from the stress at age 50 – a nice symmetry there – and there is no danger of running out of work before then.

    Those primarily in the reporting business, such as the BBC, will find their lives enhanced, if anything. Previously they had to visit dog-holes in order to show the water rising. They can now do fact-finding missions to Rio with a perfect excuse to ask young people if they wouldn’t mind taking their clothes off and being photographed purely in the interests of scientific research.

    Warning: do not attempt this in the Gulf.

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  8. I went to the North Pole. The ice receded further than usual but came back earlier. Ditto the Antarctic. Net effect on sea level? Zero.

    To quote the Moose, “It’s all bollocks!”

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  9. I listened to this report on R4 one morning recently . The bbc reporter adopting the usual negative approach to anything that goes against the party line and its clever how they do that , subtle choice of words and dismissive delivery . It made me smile when he said to the weather chap , this prediction you’ve made is all based on a computer simulation , giving the listener the strong implication that it can’t be trusted . Funny how AGW which is also based on computer simulations or should I say bogus computer simulations is happily pumped out by the bbc as if it were fucking gospel .

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