Rumours of a Ronnie Biggs Knighthood are gathering pace tonight following the death of the 84-year-old Great Train Robber, this morning. The infamous celebrity criminal, who absconded a 30 year prison sentence, for his part in the Crime of the Century, is just one on a list of other violent criminals set to receive a posthumous knighthood.
The Kray twins, Ronnie and Reggie, along with the Moors Murderer, Ian Brady are also rumoured to be included in the 2014 New Years Honours. An anonymous source close to the Honours Selection Committee has allegedly suggested that the awards will be made for services to the main stream media.
Government Minister without Portfolio, Sir Peter Doe, Chair of the Equality For Celebrity Criminals Committee said, “…. without the decades of regular, sensationalistic portrayals of these violent criminals’ crimes and their personal lives, by the main stream media, many of the Red Tops would have gone to the wall.”
He went on to say, “Thankfully, by keeping these vile villains in the public eye and by awarding them hero status much of the main stream media, including the BBC, have managed to scale the wall instead. Just like Ronnie Biggs. And NO, before you ask, Jimmy Savile will not be in the New Years Honours list. He’s already been Knighted!”
A spokesman for the BBC has also issued a statement, denying that the soon-to-be Sir Ronnie Biggs was ‘clipped’ this morning by an elite undercover BBC Ratings Squad. The fact that a new two-part BBC drama about the Great Train Robbery was due to be screened tonight was … “pure coincidence”.
Prime Minister David Crimamong was unavailable for comment. According to a Downing Street spokesman he was “… in conference with lawyers representing Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson and could not be disturbed.”
You couldn’t make it up.