Monday, September 1, 2014
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Friday Funnies by Microdave

Friday Funnies by Microdave

Another hastily compiled edition of Friday Funnies  this week, I’m afraid.

I’m still battling technology:

Remove Safely

Even “old tech” isn’t trouble free…

Lighting Rigs Funnies

This was sent in by George Silver:

Knock Knock Crimea River

Never fear – I know just the man to fix this minor problem…

Big Dick Funnies

Let’s hope he keeps it in his pants (at least when in public):

Library Banned Wanking

“Lewd Behaviour” – Hmmm, spit or swallow?

Do Not Swallow

And while we’re on the subject of daft warnings – do I really need to remind you not to “Clog” the toilet?

Someone clogged the toilet

Anyone who managed to “Pass” those might be in in need of a colonoscopy. Apparently this astonishing inflatable building entrance is meant to encourage people to have regular check-ups, thereby catching possible cancerous growths before it’s too late.

Inflatable Cancerous Asshole

That must be a bigger asshole than any of the incumbents of the House of Commons!

Meanwhile, funny goings on occur in nature:

Flatworms Sex

Sex changing worms, and “Sexy” carrots…

Sexy Carrot

I was going to wash my hands after “handling” that lot, but encountered yet more technical fcuk ups!

Tap FAIL

Time for a more appealing Ass:

Wobbling Buttocks

Enjoy the weekend.

MD

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14 comments

  1. Top quality stuff again Dave, well done.
    Did you get my message, btw? Sorry if you’ve already replied; I haven’t checked yet.

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    • Yes, I replied the other day.

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      • Cheers. BTW, especially liked the ‘muh dick’ item above. I’m taking a print-out down to my local library in case he turns up there, Kleenex in hand. :-D

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  2. Threw the book at that library wanker, didn’t they?

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  3. Excellent selection as usual Dave – thank you. Incidentally, for those viewers feeling peckish and who can’t take their eyes off the last picture; 330 wobbles will do for a perfectly boiled egg.

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  4. This isn’t a joke. Here’s a little thought to tickle the “little grey cells” for Sunday.

    “As part of its maintenance agreements, Malaysia Airlines transmits its engine data live to Rolls-Royce for analysis. The system compiles data from inside the 777′s two Trent 800 engines and transmits snapshots of performance, as well as the altitude and speed of the jet. Those snippets are compiled and transmitted in 30-minute increments, said one person familiar with the system.”

    So they actually know if it crashed or landed (you can’t switch this system off). My guess is it landed and there are negotiations going on.

    You’ll notice no comments are allowed in the mainstream media. My guess is they’re worried that someone at Rolls Royce will blow the gaff. (This last bits my mad theory)

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    • John Smith's Bitter

      I read that too but it seems that it only applies to the more recent planes. MH370 stores it and transmits it in batch so not real time.

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    • Thank you, George. My suspicion has been from the beginning that the whereabouts of those poor sods (the passengers) has been known from the outset, but “negotiations” continue apace until a mutually acceptable fiction has been agreed.

      And “they” wonder why they are universally despised …

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      • Well I did wonder myself, but the way I look at it is, if the hijackers (should there be any involved) insisted on negotiations being carried out in strict secrecy, then it really does put the Malaysians in an *extremely* difficult position!! We can only speculate of course, but I do hope this matter comes to a resolution one way or another before very much longer as it’s terribly unfair on the families and whatnot of the disappeared.

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        • The word has it that there was a bunch of Chinese military experts on board so they might just make it back.
          Unfortunately for the rest they’re expendable.

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          • ps.
            “military facilities on Diego Garcia consisting of two parallel 12,000-foot-long (3,700 m) runways, expansive parking aprons for heavy bombers,”

            Evidently the Captain had a state of the art home simulator to practice landings….. guess where?

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      • Hi Caratacus.

        You mentioned ‘they”. So here is a good contender for ‘they”.

        This is a 2minute video that will probably leave you with your mouth open in stunned silence for at least 10 minutes afterwards.

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  5. Bubble butt – you’re getting back to nromal a bit, Microdave. ;-)

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  6. “Israel closes embassies all over the world as diplomats go on indefinite strike”

    Hi gang. Do you think something BIG is about to happen?

    (Apologies to Dave for high-jacking the Friday funnies.)

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