I wonder (although not for very long) what the festive cheer will be like at Gordon Brown’s constituency home, Dun Bollockin. Well, I may be able to give you a bit of a clue. An old chum, who wishes to remain, anonymous, for fear of a nasty collision with a fax machine or mobile phone, told me of his experience of staying with the Broons. Firstly, it was bloody cold, because the heating had been switched down to the lowest level, so much so that you could see his breath. Then Old Smiler took him up to his accommodation, which he referred to as the Greenspan suite as the poor American Treasury Secretary had been billeted there, no doubt with a troupe of penguins who’d come in for the cold. So my chum decided to seek refuge in the relative warmth of the bathroom.
While he was chipping away at the icicle that had formed on the end of his dick, he thought that might be an idea to explore Gordon’s lavatorial reading matter. After all, it might give him an insight into his host’s frame of mind. So what did he find? The Ed Miliband Bumper book of Jokes? Yvette Cooper’s, How Socialism Can Cure Cystitis? Or even Tony Blair’s famous, When God Walks With Me? Nah. That side splitting rib tickler, The Morality of British Politics. Christmas will be very jolly at the Broons, I fear.