Monday, September 1, 2014
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Friday Funnies by Microdave

Friday Funnies by Microdave

Apologies for the hasty nature of this weeks Friday Funnies, but I have an urgent appointment at my friends chicken farm – to carry out some maintenance work, you understand….

A couple of topical entries, the first related to the current scaremongering about too much sugar in our diets:


This just in from the Winter Olympics in Sochi – C/O of Joe Public. Apparently there was concern about the depth of snow, which has lead to mandatory sensing equipment being installed on the tobogganing teams sledges…

Snow Depth Sensors Funnies

Meanwhile, back in Blighty, the weather is proving unpredictable:

Weather Cancelled

Or was it “Climate”, after all?

Some to test the loyalty of our female reader(s?)…


Two unusual car registrations:

I Hate Peas

No Fucks Given Funnies

I wonder if the driver is an Octopus?

Here, go fuck yourself

Joe Public also spotted this youngster doing a bit of investigating:

Natural Instincts

God knows what he would make of this particular shop doorway…

Shop Door

I used a public toilet today and there was a handwritten sign on the top of the hand dryer

It read “Press button for a short speech from David Cameron”

The mere mention of that twat has given me the sh1ts – a REALLY good clear out is what I need:

Toilet Foot Rest Funnies

And then I’m off to watch some Table Tennis…]

Table Tennis Girls


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  1. Ahem, where does she pop the serve from?

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  2. @ 1. Apparently, you can also remove warts with duct tape.

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  3. I absolutely cracked up, when I read about “How a Woman can make you a Millionaire”. Brilliant just Brilliant……but unfortunately so true. Still laughing Dave, must be my strange sense of humour. Thank you for making my weekend.

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  4. Another one for the Handguns (or sidearms if you’re an old fart like me): “A handgun doesn’t get all bloody fidgety if you’re firing live rounds instead of blanks”.

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  5. Is that kid trying to get back in?

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  6. My apologies for being rather late on parade this week, Dave. Was delayed getting back from a trip to Holland owing to being suspected of being a drug smuggling money launderer, it seems. I should have dressed up like OBL and then doubtless would have sailed through security no problem (like the underpants bomber did).
    Anyway, another classic selection! I’m just curious about the first item, though. A couple of things don’t ring true.
    Firstly the space allowed for the answer of question 1 is suspiciously vast for a mere figure “7″ – conveniently handy for the longhand answer actually given.
    Secondly, the paper goes from a question on simple subtraction suitable for first graders to one that requires algebra (or even calculus) to answer. Doesn’t make sense.
    I think we can safely infer, therefore, that this ‘maths paper’ has been specifically contrived for humorous purposes. Rather like the rest of the items, in fact. ;-)

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    • Ah but Wiggy , surely thou dost recall that “you have to show your workings out” … something I took to ridiculous extremes in later life as I explained to one chap exactly how many times I was going to hit him in the following three seconds. The advice, “never underestimate your opponent” was brought home to me with immediate effect as I sailed gracefully through the air and landed on me arse some feet distant.

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  7. Well I’m sure a chap of your calibre learns his lessons well from such encounters. One kind of loses the vital element of surprise by pre-informing your adversary in such a helpful and forthright manner!
    Back to my (brief) detention… You should have seen their faces. They really thought they were onto something big when they found 75k euros on me in crisp 500e notes, especially when I declined to explain why I was carrying such a sum about my person in folding form. I had the greatest of pleasure in telling them to mind their own fucking business with the haughtiness, self-assurance and confidence that only someone who knows for sure they have nothing to worry about and who can exculpate themselves from any spurious accusation should the proper authority require it. The “proper authority” is not some nosey cunt at an airport who thinks he’s hit the jackpot by nicking some unlucky drug dealer. What I do with my cash is a matter solely for me, my accountant and the relevant tax authorities (in this particular instance not HMRC, I’m delighted to report!) Tee hee; oh what fun! :-D

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  8. Do I detect the beginnings of cellulite there?

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